I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
