Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
