I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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