I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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