woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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