May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
