The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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