____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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