You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
