my soul wont recognize me after tonight
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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