i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
