As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
