what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize