Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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