why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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