Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
