i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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