i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
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