Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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