Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
