I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
