just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We left the knife in your bed.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize