i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
