Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
