In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
