hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
