Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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