my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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