Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize