Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
