: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
its liver damage thursday
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
