Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
