what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
