I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Randomize
