Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
