Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
