it hurts more in the daytime
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
