So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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