i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
