I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
