I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize