Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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