Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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