Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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