Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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