idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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