You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You should frame my arrest warrant.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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