If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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