Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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