He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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