pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
