you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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