My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
