jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
