the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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