I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize