he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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