Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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