hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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