Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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