Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
