My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
