im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
