Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
