True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
