I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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