No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
