This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
