we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
