He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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