so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
