so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
