So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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