Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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