but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
