a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
