WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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