I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
