im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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