This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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