Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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