If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Mom said you looked used
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
