I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize