So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
