Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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