isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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