Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
