That's when you crack a 10am beer
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
