his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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