i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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