i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
